USC Jokes
Because there's so much to joke about
1. What do you call a USC graduate in a three-piece suit?
... the defendant
2. What do USC and UCLA students have in common?
... they both got into USC
3. What does the average USC player get on his SATs?
... drool
4. Why do students choose USC over UCLA?
... It's easier to spell
5. Why is USC referred to as a private school?
... Nobody wants it to be publicly known that they went there
6. Why do the Trojans play their home games on natural turf?
... so their cheerleaders have a place to graze at halftime
7. What do you get when you drive slowly by the USC campus?
... A degree
8. What is the difference between a USC diploma and toilet paper?
... About $80,000 per sheet
9. How many Trojans does it take to change a flat tire?
... Just one, unless it's a blowout and then the whole team shows up
10. Why doesn't USC have ice on the sidelines during a football game?
... The guy with the recipe graduated
11. Did you hear the USC library burned down?
... They lost both books, and one hadn't even been colored in yet
12. How do you get a USC graduate off your porch?
... Pay him for the pizza
13. What are the best four years of a USC Trojan's life?
... Third grade
14. How many USC freshmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?
... None... that's a sophomore course
15. What to a Trojan and a bottle of beer have in common?
... They're both empty from the neck up.
16. Why did USC disband its water polo team?
... All the horses drowned.
17. A Trojans grad and a Bruins grad are on death row. The warden comes to them to ask if they have any last requests.
The Trojan said: "I'd just like to hear 'Conquest' one last time."
The warden asks the Bruin the same question.
"Kill me first," he insists.
18. A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and asks, “Wanna hear a USC joke?” The guy next to him replies, “Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I’m 6’ tall, 200 lbs., and I’m a USC graduate. The guy sitting next to me is 6’2”, weighs 225, and he’s a USC graduate. The fella next to him is 6’5” tall, weighs 250, and he’s a USC graduate. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?
The first guy replies: “Naw, not if I’m gonna have to explain it three times.”