UCLA Jokes (for equal time)
courtesy of Deborah Holt, USC alumnae

Q: How do you get a UCLA graduate off your front porch?
A: Give him the pizza money.

Q: Do you know why they couldn't have a nativity scene at UCLA ?
A: They couldn't find three wise men or a virgin.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get as far away from UCLA as possible

Q: Did you hear that UCLA is dressing only 15 players this season?
A: The rest can dress themselves.

Q: What does a UCLA say when he sees you?
A: Would you like fries to go with that, sir?

Q: What is the difference between a UCLA fan and a three-week-old puppy?
A: Eventually the puppy will stop whining.

Q: What do you call 30 UCLA students in a basement?
A: A whine cellar.

Q: Why are they planning to resurface The Rose Bowl with cardboard?
A: Because the Bruins always play better on paper.

Q: What do you get when you cross a pig with a UCLA graduate?
A: Nothing. There are some things a pig just won't do.

Q: Why do UCLA graduates put a copy of their diploma in the window of their vehicles?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: How many UCLA football players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just two, but they each get three hours credit.

Q: Do you know where John Robinson moved after he retired?
A: Westwood, he wanted to get as far away from football as he could.